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Thalassemia Patients and Friends and thalpal © A. Battaglia 2019





55105 Posts in 5866 Topics by 6148 Members
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A message for all  parents who are thals. Keeping your iron load under control is an absolute obligation to your children.
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Author Topic: To Vishan...And then you went  (Read 7783 times)
Andy Battaglia
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Will thal rule you or will you rule thal?


« on: May 24, 2008, 12:02:10 AM »

It has been two years today since Vishan passed. I have been asked to post this anonymously for another. Vittey is missed dearly by so many.



I remember those days when we used to go for transfusions and we never spoke a word even when we were facing each other…

I remember those days when we first started talking and getting close… We became close friends so soon… We had so much in common…

I remember those days when we first started hanging out together and how it gradually turned to be a 24/7 thing…

I remember how our friends teased us and how we denied that we were more than friends…

I remember us slowly falling in love because we understood each other and cared for each other so much…

I remember that even then our friends would tease us merciless and we denied it to them and also to ourselves, even when we knew we were more than just good friends…

I remember how we finally admitted it to ourselves one day and how you asked me to go steady and how I said yes, not caring about what anyone else would have thought…

We decided to keep everything for ourselves and would smile all the time because we shared the most wonderful secret in the world….

I remember the feeling of being the happiest and the luckiest person in the whole world when I was with you….

I remember the happy times I spent with you, the way we cared about each other and the fun we shared together….

I remember how great things were…

Until finally one day we decided to end it all because we thought we had no future together…

Because we thought no one would support us and….

Because I felt scared….

I remember you were just fine with it and thought it was for the best…

I remember how you used to console me when I cried so much thinking life was so unfair…

I remember you helping me to move on with my life and get into new relationships…

I remember how you were there for me always even after we broke up…

And then I finally moved on…

Because I thought you had moved on with life and past what we had, long before I had…

This was when you told me finally how much you loved me and wanted me back…

And it was then you started telling all our close friends about what we had…

I remember that none of them told me it was alright, none of them thought what we had was ok and all of them thought that I did the right thing by breaking up...

No one was supportive…

Maybe if they were I would have gone back when you asked me again…

But instead all of them who knew were glad I came to ‘senses’ before it was ‘too late’…

Our friendship after that was never the same…

If it was good one day, it was great the next day and rocky the next next day… We would get so depressed with each other that we would stop talking until we felt that we couldn’t be without talking… and then our friendship would be good, great and rocky again…

But even then I never stopped loving you… and never stopped caring for you… even if I denied it I know you knew this… I know you knew how much I cared for you and loved you…

And I know you never stopped loving me….never stopped caring for me… never got over me either …

I remember how much I tried to help you move on with life… asking, demanding, getting angry, pleading and even crying, trying to make you see what you were doing to your self… but nothing seemed to work…

And then you told me how sick you have gotten over the years and I remember being so scared and worried for you…

And that’s when I decided to be there for you no matter what, the last two or three months…

I feel happy that we talked all the time without getting moody or depressed with each other for the last few months, for the first time after we broke up…

I feel happy that I was there for you the last few months…

But I feel so sad to know that you started falling sick when you gave up on life… and when you gave up on hope…

And I also feel that you gave up on life the day I gave up on us completely… when I said there would be no chance of us being together ever…

Am I the reason why you gave up on life?

It breaks my heart when I think that…

I don’t want to blame myself, but I feel that even if I could not have made the difference I could have certainly made you happier if I hadn’t given up on us…

I wanted to say so many things the last time I called you…

But I only said I never stopped loving you… and how special you were to me still…and I was so glad when you said you always knew…

I wanted to ask you to forgive me… but I couldn’t bring myself to it…

And then you went….

You were so brave and I never heard you complaining even once. You would support and be strong for me when I started growing weak….and it should have been the other way around…

You were full of smiles for me and all your loved ones even when you were so sick…You were a fighter to the end….

You gave me so many memories and showed me how much worth life can be…

You taught me what it is to love, to care and to understand… You taught me to be strong and never give up on life… You taught me to move on with life…

I just have one question for you…

Why did you not do the same?

But none of this matters now… what matters is that you are gone… forever…leaving all of us devastated…and what matters is I won’t ever see you smile again… I can’t ever call you and hear your voice again…

I hope you are at peace now… away from all the suffering…

Just know that I still love you a lot… and that I cannot stop loving you ever… Just know that you are always in my prayers and that neither you nor your memories can ever be forgotten…Just know that the place I have for you in my heart can never be filled…


Yours Truly,
IM (M)

« Last Edit: May 09, 2018, 12:05:37 PM by Andy » Logged

Andy

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« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2008, 12:10:14 AM »

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اَسّلامُ علیکم Peace be Upon you
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« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2008, 12:21:48 AM »

 

May you find peace, may his soul rest in peace.
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« Reply #3 on: May 24, 2008, 07:43:02 AM »

 

may his soul rest in peace
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Andy Battaglia
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« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2008, 02:39:08 PM »

I have often wondered if there was something else I could've done to help save Vittey. I talked to him regularly and knew everything. I knew he wasn't chelating and why. I knew why he had given up but nothing I said seemed to make any difference. He wouldn't chelate and he knew what he was doing. He felt that things would never change and it would always be the same. The lack of acceptance of thals in a country where 18% of the people are carriers has been very hard to understand. But things are slowly changing and now several thals have married non thals in the Maldives. I doubt attitudes have changed much regarding two thals marrying, though, and this has to change. I knew that these two wanted to be a couple long before Vittey told me all about it. Some little clues I had observed were exactly what I thought and I really hoped things could work out for them. At one point it was even requested that I post and ask people if it was ok for two majors to be together. We didn't get much response, but the responses from Flower, Miaki and Waleed were wonderful and supportive. It wasn't enough though, especially since not a single person from Maldives was heard. The pressure was enormous on this couple and they chose to break things off. While the girl did find a way to eventually move on, Vittey found it impossible to do the same. The loss of Vittey was a great loss to the Maldivians as he was the leader of the thal boys and no one has ever been able to take over that role. We continue to lose these boys as so many of them also feel that life is not worth the trouble. Shilpa and I made some real impact while we were there but it was only a 4 day visit. They need to know every single day that people do care about them and want them to survive and from so far away, it is very hard for me to accomplish. I hope that some day I get the opportunity to return and embrace my Maldivian brothers and sisters again.

In 2004 I was asked to post about this topic by the girl who was involved. They desperately wanted to find some approval but among those closest to their situation, they found none.

http://groups.msn.com/ThalassemiaPatientsandFriends/general.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=1413&LastModified=4675481912097523429

Quote
The question posed to me is what people think about two thal majors falling in love and marrying. I know it does happen and that there are people in the group that have done this.
There are some obstacles involved, I am sure, but what do you think? I know that there often will be resistance from family, friends, and maybe even medical professionals, but should anything stand in the way of true love? My own feelings are a strong no. Nothing should stand in the way of love. When it comes down to it, what do we have if we don't have love? Maybe I'm too romantic minded, but I can't think of anything that is more important than loving and being loved.
What do you think? What are the pitfalls? What are the obstacles? What are the advantages? Do you find being in love with someone who has the same problems as you and who can relate to you, is actually a positive and not a negative? Feel free to share your experiences, both positive and negative.

Miaki married another thal and if anyone ever wants to say that her marrying Stan was a mistake, I will slap them. As Miaki said in her post then, another thal never has to wonder what you're going through because they live the same life. Stan and Miaki loved and understood each other so much and for me, one moment of this type of love is worth it all. I wish this opportunity had been there for Vittey and my dear friend.

One thing I know for certain. This group has evolved much since those days at MSN, and a question like I posted above would get a much stronger response today and I thank the members of this group for making this possible.
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Andy

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« Reply #5 on: May 25, 2008, 06:51:25 AM »

I am over whelmed  :'( why the hell two thal majors can't be together? they would be the most beautiful couple on this earth full of mean people,i never said it out loud,but i always was and am inspired by miaki and stan,i always told my husband that that's true love,i am sorry for vishan.

 

ZAINI.
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« Reply #6 on: May 26, 2008, 12:21:09 PM »

Love should not be denied because of conditions. The best person to understand what you are going through is another person with the same problem. I have tried to comprehend and feel what a patient feels but I have been wrong- BIG TIME- most times.

True love is a gift that many are denied . Some people share relationships because they just want companionship. sometimes though we are blinded and not necessary correct. celebrate the time that you had. Just remember that the brief time you had is more than most will ever have throughout their entire lives.

May his soul rest in peace.
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[Sammy
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« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2008, 02:42:55 AM »

 
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nice friend
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If I Can, Why Not You??... If I Can U TOO !!!...


« Reply #8 on: May 27, 2008, 02:30:56 PM »

Andy nothing 2 say :
aaaah       i m sorry for ur loos
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Sometimes , God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
Sometimes , He breaks our heart to make us whole.
Sometimes , He sends us pain so we can be stronger.
Sometimes , He sends us failure so we can be humble.
Sometimes , He sends us illness so we can take better care of our selves.
Sometimes , He takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything we have.

===========
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« Reply #9 on: May 28, 2008, 04:35:32 AM »

Dearest Vishan,

I think i speak to for everyone in our grp in Maldives when I say there isnt a day we miss u, still after two years...May you be away from all the suffereing and be blessed with paradise... you'll always be remembered in our hearts as someone really special..

Andy, thank you for sharing this all..
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Maako
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« Reply #10 on: May 29, 2008, 08:12:08 AM »

 

        No words can express my thoughts..............May his soul rest in peace



       Miaki
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