Discussion Forums > Thalassemia Major
I feel i have reached the end of my road.....
Zaini:
Umair,
Bro,look whats happening with the one who started this post,she is getting happily married,isn't that great,we all have what i like to call those gray days or rough patches in our lives,it happens with me all the time,and i am such a drama queen that i can drag everything to days :rotfl but i know you,you are not a coward,you are a fighter,so sharing won't hurt,it will only help,and don't worry no body will get de moralized,you remember that verse "girtay hain shah sawar hi maidan-e-jang may "?,so tell us whats going on,and i know in a few days you'll just get up,dust it off and will start cracking jokes again :biggrin.
And keep in mind we are lucky to have you here.
Zaini.
maha:
Dear Umair
The person who started this post was Ambareen . At that time she felt she had reached the end of the road, But where is she today? Today she is on a brand new road embracing what life has to offer....lots and lots of happiness. She just got married. When the going gets tough the tough gets going.
So get up get going buddy
take care
maha
nice friend:
--- Quote ---I feel i have reached the end of my road.....
--- End quote ---
when i saw this topic i thought that its common thing with thals and thals do face this many times in their live , bcoze this stage came in my life many times and still coming back again and again and again , still fiindinng a way to COP with this kind of situation but sumtime this controle's my mind really badly and pull's me towards give-up , yaeah i understand u people are feeling a lil shocked bcoze of hearing this to me but its true , its true that i m trying to cop with this situation , nothing is looking good to me just feeling exhausted although m in best state of health i eveer been my S.FE is around 1000 my liver reports are fine no prob with Hb but still everything is looking bad to me , dont know why ... but its true that now a days m not feeling good , feeling like i have wasted my life and i cant get ride of my life , i cant get back to live a normal life with a secure future , No future , no directions where to go , dont know wat future is holding for me ... just living the life day by day , no future plans , infact not sure if i did good to controle everything like Fe and etc etc or i was wrong that i can join the life and get reach the speed of the life back ..... really ... i dont know why these thoughts are capturing my mind when i m in best state of health i ever been , these thoughts never captured my brain even when i was near to die and also not when i was on wheelchair and was disable to set my pillow for me , then why my mind is going to think that way , i know these thoughts r not good to think but i cant stop my mind thinking this way ... feeling really tired after experiencing many things in past 4 years ... dont know how can a person who dont like's 2nd prick and swelling kind of stuff even on Tx day , prepared himself to prick himself by his hands almost 100 times a month , can u believe it , feel's like real inner Umair has lost somewhere in the darkeness of this diseas .... but i know that ,i can pass through this time safely and will b back on track soon but when dont know ... althougt m not gonna give up, bcoze i dont wana die bfore the death but m feeling like a last soldier standing in the battle field of life, not fighting to win not fighting to run away ( bcoze he know's he cant run away) , standing only bcoze he dont wana be a prisoner of life ... when-ever i got some time to think my mind goes this way to think i dont know why but i m trying hard to forget my past wat-ever happened to me but whenever i got some time those memories struck hard, it feel's like those memories are stuck in my mind and blink's when-ever i got soe sapre time to feel bored ..... these summer's hot days are really boring ...
anywayz .... another thing, my fate is working hard to let me down, since a long time, wat-ever i m trying to do went wrong.. i decide to stay away to PC to avoid making more serious mistakes that i did in past 1 or 2 months .. but my fate searched me and found me awe , that is start happening on mobile too ... wat can i do ... i dont check or reply SMSs daily but this seriel of mistake is start happening there on mobile too ... AWE AWE AWE ...... :whew feeling exhausted bcoze of all the stuff happened to me in past 1 and half month , mistakes , mistakes, mistakes :whew ( i always keep doing sumthing wrong, sumthing upside down and down side up , sumthing like really serious mistakes , sumthing that show's m a perfect DUMB )
shuh :whew at-least finaly i've said much of that wat i wana say .....
@ Andy ,
all that i mentioned above is why i m quiet since a few days ..... silenece has broken and u can se the results above , deep thoughts was (and for a few still there's still "Are" ) behind that silence ...
@ Manal ,
Thanx for reassuring me that you people are always there to hear , it feels good :)
@ Zaini ,
yeah Sis, i congrats her and saw that amazing and super news on forum ...but my prob is a lil different my grey days always chase me where ever i goes ... yeah i will try to stand up and dust off my shoulders ASAP ... Sis, i m feel more lucky than you people, to know you people and to have a forum like this to express wat i feel, its a big relief when you get an ear to listen , wat u wana say :) ....
@ Maha ,
Sis , i didn't exactly mean to say end of the road , it was frustration behind all that , frustration and tiredness bcoze of been in troubles for a long time, problemes still raising their head up and it has been a long time since its happening its less health probleme and more others .. health wise m fine n happy to see this much improvements , liver reports are fine , hep-C report is showing improvement , iron controled , but only Diabetes is sumthing that nobody can say its in controle but its ok with it too its only one thing that is troubling in my health profile all the rest is fine .... so, ther's no prob with health ... i dont and unable to figure out wat my prob really is ... Thanx alot Sis for encouragement and for being there it made me feel really good to see such encouraging reply, i will try to b happy always .. Thanx Alot :) ....
Thank You All , for being there and giving me a chance to express wat i feel .. i m really thankful of you people for being there for me to make me feel better .....
Best Regards
Take Care
Umair
maha:
Umair
At your age you should either be studying or working. If it is not possible to continue your studies, then you should join your dad in his business. Let thalassemia not be an excuse to keep you away from work. Remember an idle mind is a devils workshop.You had mentioned many times in your earlier posts that you would join your dad once your ferritin was in control. Now it is in control, isn`t it.
take care
maha
nice friend:
Maha,
when i was writing my last post that i sent under this topic i wrote this all too, but after that i edited these lines out off that post ... i dont wanted to open up pandora box of problemes but every probleme and every frustration is linked to another and there are lots of things to be fixed in my life ,, anywayz i m planning to join my father at bussinses my father , my bro, and my uncles will help me settle in that , that's wat really comforting they all wana see me settled in bussincess with them , i have a sincere, loving and caring family and that's wat i m blessed with by the GRACE of GOD ...... but indeed life is really dificult to live , not only for me but for every human being on earrth , every human being is working hard to survive in this jungle people .. its a blessing to have a nice, sincere, loving and caring family and surrounding of peoples , and that's wat i blessed with , i m lucky at this front of life ... i think i also dont know wat my prob really is :) ..... dont worry , i will cop with it really soon ... :grin thanx Sis for giving me a chance to say that wat i've edited bfore this time to my last post , i m really tankful of you , and thanx for the encouragment and sugestion , i will join my father at bussines really soon ... yeah my Ferritin is in controle but its summer and load shedding that is stopping me to go for that , at the place where our shops load shedding schedule is really soo tough to bare .. and the thals i know have joined their family businesses they r on leavenow a days due to load shedding of power ... my cousin who is my best friend as well told me that i will keep thinking of joining business or i will really join business hahahaha ..... mayb in september i will b able to join , till then , time pass :grin ....
here it is wat i wrote and then edited after posting that on forum ...
----------------------------------
i cant even mention all those things i went through, i faced, and have solved ( By The Grace of GOD ) in last four years .. there's an endless list of that , not only Thal related probs but a few more like how to step into my social life and how to step and secure my future, these are the more biger probs than thal , i m not used to go out and never went out alone (that mean's by driving car or riding bike, always went out with family or someone to drive car ) thats why it seems really hard to survive in this jungle like world , that's wat more disturbing and scary than reaching the end of the road , i never been scared of reaching end of the road and all the thoughts like this, that's why m feeling a lil bit worried how to step into life , although my bro and my parents even my uncles r there to help me out to start this all, but feeling that it would b really hard to start it .......... givig me a chance to raise more issue a thal would face in his life ,, i hope one day this discussion will help finding out the solution for thal over these issues .... hoping to help out other thals and myself too .... these r the ups n downs of the life , doesn't matter i have been through many worsen situation than this one, and got out of that , and i will get out of this one too ...
Best Regards
Take Care
Umair
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