Discussion Forums > General Chatter
Lets share jokes amongst ourselves
Christine Mary:
SEX ON THE FENCE
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself.
He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble."
So he follows them.
They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.
Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes. Both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The Policeman, still watching thinks, this was truly amazing. He thinks, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together.
Is there some sort of secret to this?" The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.
Christine Mary:
Honeymoon at Home
Bob and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Bob's
Mom and Dad's for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Bob's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is
going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Bob and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Bob and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Bob and Mary up yet?"
His mom says, "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Bob came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my
airplane glue."
Christine Mary:
A woman walked into a drug store and told the pharmacist she needed some
cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The woman explained she needed it to poison her husband.
The pharmacist's eyes grew big and he said, "Lord, have mercy --
I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll
lose
my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things
will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!"
The woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, " Well, now,
you didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Christine Mary:
>>For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.
>>Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage,
>>WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get
>>a little sausage.
>>
>>Men are like....
>>
>>1. Men are like ...Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
>>2. Men are like.Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they
>>are.
>>3. Men are like ......Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
>>4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
>>5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually
>>head right for your hips.
>>6. Men are like ...Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they
>>say.
>>7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
>>8. Men are like .....Government Bonds ... They take soooooooo long to
>>mature.
>>9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of
>>emotion.
>>10. Men are like .Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little
>>while.
>>11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how
>>many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
>>12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very
>>bright.
>>13. Men are like Parking Spots . All the good ones are taken, the rest
>>are handicapped.
>>
Christine Mary:
WORDS WOMEN USE
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need
to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes
if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping
around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be
on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine".
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood
by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why
he is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding
how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome
WHATEVER
It's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!
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