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Lets share jokes amongst ourselves
LWSpevack:
And...
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him out of ten million bucks; his bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and the reason he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything that he'd ever have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million bucks is hidden. The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
The Attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
LWSpevack:
Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and sees a huge, bearded man standing there.
"Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. ...Having a Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come. About 5:00."
Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you... There's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely, gonna be some fightin' too."
"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks again."
"More'n likely be some wild sex, too."
"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"
"Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us."
Kathy11:
:rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl LWSpevack very funny joikes.
:rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl
LWSpevack:
Hey Kathy!!! We'll keep going then...
A lawyer went duck hunting in rural Minnesota. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, " This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I'm one of the best trial attorneys in Minnesota and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in these parts of Minnesota? We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Gofer Three Kick Rule '."
The lawyer asked, " What's that ?"
The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal flushing from his mouth.
The barrister was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
Kathy11:
LWSpevack, another good one :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl
Thanks for the laughter that the jokes brings.
Kathy
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