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Lets share jokes amongst ourselves
Christine Mary:
ESCAPED CONVICT
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain ... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he hurts you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he's gay, he thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you, too."
LWSpevack:
A Catholic Priest and a Jewish Rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes. Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
§ãJ¡Ð ساجد:
I hope you haven't heard this one yet and does not offend anyone.
---------------------------
3 Guys were going through a Jungle. One of them was an American, one was an Englishman and the third one was a Frenchman.
They got captured by Cannibals and asked the chief what they were going to do with them.
The chief replied, "We will eat your flesh, make tools with your bones and most importantly make canoes out of your skins."
The chief continued, "Since you are going to die anyway, I will let you choose your own preferred method of death."
The Englishman took out his pistol and placed it besides his head and hailed: "Long Live The Queen!" and pressed the trigger.
The Frenchman climbed a tree. He then took out a rope and tied one end to a branch, made a noose out of the other end and put his head through. Then he hailed: "Viv La France!", jumped off the branch and hung himself.
The American took out a sharp fork and started stabbing throughout his body until he was badly bruised and bleeding.
The Chief exclaimed, "Stop! why have you chosen such a painful and useless method of death!"
The American gathered himself up and looked straight in the eyes of the cannibal chief and said, "What do ya think of your canoe now!?"
Canadian_Family:
Sajid, are you sure that American was not Mr. Bush?
:rotfl :rotfl :rotfl
Christine Mary:
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however,
they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi
Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they
needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought
she would take off her panties and use them. Her
friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of
panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky
enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath
with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with
that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to
go home.
The next day one of the women's husband was concerned
that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in
bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and
said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm
starting to suspect the worst... my wife came home
with no panties!!"
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came
back with a card stuck to her ass that said...
'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never
forget you.' "
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