Discussion Forums > General Chatter
Lets share jokes amongst ourselves
Canadian_Family:
Canadian also called Canuk, so here is another one..... Something tells me this is true :)
An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.
"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."
He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."
"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."
Andy Battaglia:
So Much Truth to this one
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish..................................49.
Adventurous..........................Slept with everyone.
Athletic................................No breasts.
Average looking.....................Moooo.
Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure..................On medication.
Feminist...............................Fat.
Free Spirit.............................Junkie.
Friendship first.......................Former Slut.
New-Age..............................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned........................No B.J.'s
Open-minded.........................Desperate.
Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.
Professional...........................Bitch.
Voluptuous...........................Very fat.
Large frame...........................Hugely fat.
Wants soul mate.....................Stalker.
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
Yes.....................................No
No......................................Yes
Maybe.................................No
We need...............................I want
I am sorry.............................You'll be sorry
We need to talk......................You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead........................You better not
Do what you want...................You will pay for this later
I am not upset........................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
I am hungry...........................I am hungry
I am sleepy............................I am sleepy
I am tired..............................I am tired
Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!
I love you..............................Let's have sex now
I am bored.............................Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?..................I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay.
Andy Battaglia:
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."
With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby.... Southern Girl needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down and squealed... "YES!
YES! I WON! I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers... And then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other, dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."
Moral ---
Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But, all men..... are men
KHALIFA:
HI
the last joke i meet is :
When my father before 15 days he fall down with heart attack i took him to hospital verey fast,, when i reach the hospital they take him to the emergency room i found the nurse put for him an IV the Dr try to check his heart emedeatly i make short breafe to the Dr suddenly my father start to loose his movement he look like he will be in a coma i notice the Dr he was verey calm and the IV in his arm so i shout to the nurse to bring 5 ML of valiume to calm him down because the O2 was 50% heart beat very high BP high the nurse gave it to me i was waiting the Dr to take it from me but he was confused he look like don't know what he should do without any waiting i gave my father the valiume by IV and i called the ICU Dr he came verey fast he insert the air tupe in his mouth with NS drip my father he calm down and every thing start to be normal after ten minute ....what make me laughing :rotfl and mad :mad in the same time that confused Dr he ask me (PLS Dr WHICH HOSPITAL YOU ARE WORKING YOU TOOK GOOD ACTION,, AND WHO IS HE THAT MAN YOU SAFE HIS LIFE ) i told him first am not Dr second that man who i safe his life is my father third thing i wish to know from which college you get your degree :biggrin i remembare my mother call me i went to her but when i turn my face to the position of the Dr i couldn't see him he just ran a way because he saw me with my brothers really want to give him good bunching :wink :wink
khalifa
state of kuwait
Canadian_Family:
Andy,
I cannot stop laughing :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl, your post is the best dictionary I ever saw. It is going on my personal diary.
Regards
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